I know of an intergenerational small group that has been functioning for 12 years or more. It is rare to find a group with that longevity, so I wanted to find out why...

What is the history of your small group?

We began as a young married group; there was one infant in the group, but there were no active children involved. Then in one year, there were 5 pregnancies, and we had a group of adults and preschoolers.

• When we had preschoolers, we continued to meet on weeknights. One of our members was a school teacher and she organized the children's time, and we all took turns leading that time with the children.

• When the children became school-age, we found that we couldn't meet on a school night any more and we began to meet on Fridays and we hired a babysitter. At that point we didn't have a specific program for the children. They would watch a Veggie Tales movie during our prayer time, but nothing else was organized.

• For a time we met for a study on Friday nights with the children, and then one Friday a month, we would all get sitters and the adults would go out for dinner. When all the children were in the elementary school, we took advantage of a mid-week children's program.

• Now, we are at a season when groups have Saturday morning commitments, and lots of evenings are filled. So we have a rotation. On one week the men meet, and on the alternate week the women meet. Once a month, we meet as whole families. We may have an outreach project or do a one-off study or activity together. The children are eager to see each other, and usually aren't with the adults.

We haven't been a closed group. There is a core of 3-4 families that has continued, but others have participated in the mens' group, the women's group and in the whole family group. joined in over time.

What are some costs and benefits of having an Intergenerational group?

• The group is a shared community for children and adults. The children are part of a larger spiritual family; they call the other adults in the group “auntie” and “uncle.” The other children in the group are their closest friends. They go to the same church service and the same midweek club, and sometimes deliberately enrol on the same sports teams and activities. Their parents are friends, they have been in each others' homes. Throughout the month, the children ask, “When is the next kids' night?”

• The adults share life with the other adults. They continue to have challenging studies, and they can see that their children are enthused and rooted in a strong community of believers. In the summer the families have picnics or go camping together.

• We realize that we could never replace what we have these relationships.



What is The bottom line?

Part of the solution is that each group needs to find out what works for them.



My Reflections:

The remarkable longevity of this group provides a few lessons. These families have created balanced long-term rhythms of family and group life. They came to these by paying attention to their own needs, and by tenaciously holding on to their values. The results of 12 years of meeting together are evident. The children are spiritually grounded both in knowledge and in confidence. The depth of community and trust and openness among adults and children is undeniable.

What is the secret? It was not the focus of a weekly group time that included time together and time apart. It was not in deliberate instructional time for the children on a regular basis. Instead the focus was on longevity of relationship for the sake of building a faith community. This longevity came through frequent association. As the families deliberately chose to participate in the same church services, children's activities, the children developed the anticipation of seeing the other children and their families. As well, the group did not take on more than they could handle. The need for sustainability affected the way that needs could best be met. Childrens' formal instruction took place in the home, in Sunday School, and in church clubs. Yet the children learned important life values through the group. They learned:

• that faith and mission are an important, if not the most important basis for ongoing association; that faithfulness over time yields lasting fruit;
• that there is joy in being together.

They learned from the collective modelling of their parents that the best pursuit is to seek first the kingdom of God.

Some groups will have more resources to create exciting shared learning events with adults and children together, and some churches may provide resources and curriculum for that purpose. Some groups may be culturally ready for the full inclusion of children, youth and adults every week. What we can learn from this group is this: The goal of developing a sustained life of faith in community is achievable through a variety of paths, and that the individual group has the best knowledge of their own situation.

Markers of a flourishing intergenerational small group

Markers of a Healthy Small Group

In 2008, I studied small groups that included both adults and children. I found that these "Intergenerational" groups flourished when certain markers were present:

Structuring to meet the needs of children and adults
For small groups including children up to age twelve, the groups with the most confidence and the least difficulties were groups that included a simple structure:

Together,
Apart,
Together again.
Developing a ministry leader for children
Ideally, the length of the adult study and prayer time would complement the length of the kids’ slot. The leadership given to the children’s ministry was one of the primary markers of a strong intergenerational ministry group that included children up to age twelve. When there was purposeful, supervised children’s ministry and play time, and when a consistent curriculum was in place, the groups experienced few difficulties.

Ideally, the length of the adult study and prayer time would complement the length of the kids’ slot.

Experiencing mutual ministry with youth
Groups that included students generally remained together for the entire session. Successful groups involving students (ages 13 and up) had the hallmark of mutual ministry and mutual respect.

Giving sufficient opportunity for adults to learn and pray meaningfully
The adult participants felt it was important to meet the needs of the children, and often sacrificing their own interests. During the adult study time, it was important that enough time be given to transition into a subject, to work with the subject and arrive at a personal growth outcome and have opportunity to pray.

Valuing the participation of the elder generation
Groups that included senior adults, adults and children were more likely to show mutuality and to respect the participation and contributions of all. The generative needs of senior adults and the affirmative needs of adults combined to bring greater stability to the groups.

Showing mutual respect and opportunity for all
Groups that had a stance that allowed children to come and go had more freedom in their study time. Such a stance relayed respect to the children and it also helped release adults from a tendency to control.

Two groups were careful to link children with adults other than their parents when clustering for discussions or activities. By doing this, these groups would sidestep the natural family power structure by entering into discussion clusters that connected children with adults who were not from their family.

Celebrating a shared snack time or meal time
Children who joined their parents for the interviews often gave enthusiastic comments about snacks or meals. Eating together with those outside of the family was a celebratory experience for the children.

A small group that allows children and adults to see each other grow spiritually, and that gives them room to grow in their own way, and that celebrates all of life together is off to a good start. They don't need to be worried about getting it right; they just experience God in the truth and messiness of life.